Why do people think that women are the ones responsible for divorces in marriage?
Because of what we call blame shifting. Man will always argue or shift the responsibilities away. When God came into the Garden of Eden , the man said it was the woman and the woman blamed the serpent. God didn’t talk to the serpent as He never gave the serpent any authority. The only thing he said to the serpent is “fall on your face. From today, you will eat dust.” He now gave Adam and Eve their punishments. Why? He never gave the serpent the authority. Man said not me, but God saw it from the beginning. Why didn’t He go to Eve first? Because it was the man that was the head. The reason we see this happen often is because he’s a failure, and he doesn’t want to admit that he’s a failure. Even when the woman is the most troublesome person in the relationship, when the thing cracks or breaks and he’s divorced, it is the man that has failed. You’re the CEO/MD of a company and the company went down, when I ask: what happened? You say it is my clerk. Even if it was the clerk that set the place on fire, it impeaches on your leadership style. So, never mind that they say it is the woman all the time, men like to shift the blame.
When a believing husband divorces the wife and remarries, is the wife free to marry someone else or is she still married to the man? I would like to know if it is proper for a born again Christian woman to marry a divorcee?
You know why I am a little bit careful here because I will be crossing doctrinal lines in our different denominations, and I do not want you to go against the doctrines in your various churches. But let me tell you one thing that at least will be common ground for everybody in the Bible. If a Christian is married to a Christian, there is no divorce. God hates divorce. What if an unbeliever marries an unbeliever? It’s okay. What if a Christian marries an unbeliever? The Christian married out of error because God did not say you should marry an unbeliever, but the Bible says if the unbeliever wants to stay with the Christian then there is nothing the Christian can do. He/she should have known better than to marry the unbeliever in the first place. A Christian should not marry a non-Christian because your values, priorities and perceptions to life are different, so to avoid lifetime conflict marry your own kind. With the generalities cleared up, let us now look at the question the lady asked. Two Christians have divorced; the husband is remarried, should the lady keep waiting for him? And should a Christian marry a divorcee? When it concerns two Christians your church must be involved. Since different churches have different ways of handling this type of issue. I will strongly advise that you seek the counsel of your senior pastor. There is no general rule as each case will have to be looked at on an individual basis. God hates divorces but there are special circumstances when this can be granted and the individuals involved allowed to remarry, so please do not suffer in silence see your pastor.
I am living alone with my children right now and the father of my children has moved in with another woman. I cannot cope with the children and expenses alone so can I marry another man?
PASTOR TAIWO ODUKOYA: I think you need to go and talk to him and let him decide what he wants to do. You have to do all you can to try and look for reconciliation before writing your marriage off. You did not say he is married to this woman, so I am assuming he is not. If he does not want you anymore and no reconciliation is eminent then let him divorce you and then seek counsel with your Pastor before making the decision to marry someone else. Your Pastor will be able to advice you appropriately on the stand of your church on this issue.
If a lady and her fiancée are involved in a deep relationship, and later they fall by sleeping together and then repent but find themselves in the same position again what should they do and how can they avoid falling repeatedly?
PASTOR TAIWO ODUKOYA: If your courtship is over a one year, and you’ve crossed the T’s and dotted the I’s, and you can’t hold yourself anymore, get married!. Why are you making yourselves target for the devil. But if you are not sure of the way you feel about each other then break up the relationship. It is obvious it is a relationship of the flesh and you will just allow the devil destroy both your lives for momentary pleasure. So to avoid sin, get married or break off.
I know a man whose wife wants a divorce; he has been avoiding it due to his status, he likes me and I like him too. Should I stay away considering the fact that he is married and not divorced yet? Am I doing the right thing by waiting for him?
PASTOR TAIWO ODUKOYA: He is married, his wife wants a divorce, but he is not giving her the divorce because of his status. Stay away from him. He is not meant for you. if he is a serious character, he will make up with his wife and try and get his family back together. If it is such a bad case, then the courts will decide. I think it is wrong of you to even consider a relationship with a man that cannot make up his mind and cannot make the right decision because of what people will say. I believe he is just taking advantage of you and you need to stay away from this man. If he does divorce his wife, then you need to speak with your pastor as regards the stance of your church when it comes to marrying someone that is divorced. Please don’t pray for them to get divorced, that will be very sinful. If you are having anything physical to do with him now, I would advise you to immediately breakup the liaison, immediately repent and stay very far away from him.
I have a friend who found out after four years of marriage that her husband had been married three times before marrying her. To make matters worse, she recently found out he is still seeing one of them right now, she has since moved out of their matrimonial home. Pastor is her decision a wise one?
PASTOR TAIWO ODUKOYA: I wonder if that marriage is authentic. If you are saying that he has been married and divorced 3 times, and now your friend is married to him, well, I want to ask what kind of marriage? Did they just go to the court or were they married in the church? If they did got married in a church, then how much of the truth did they tell the church for the church to have allowed them get married. But based on what you said and if I am to answer by those facts alone, he married her under false pretences. He did not reveal the fact that he was married three times before and apart from that, he is still seeing one of them on the side. We have lawyers who can advice us on this and I will ask you to please wait after this program to see one of our lawyers. I will also advise that you tell your friend to seek counsel from her Pastor. She should not hide this from him. I want to conclude by saying that this meeting is not just single people alone, some of the people I can see here today are married and I know that they are also learning a lot. I will like to encourage you invite friends that you know might be struggling in their marriages. We share things that help us make wise decisions because we better informed and not moved by the lies of the enemy. Before the marriage gets to breaking point, invite them here and let us learn from one another. I am certain your future is bright. You are the next wonder!
I want to know whether some women are born eunuchs?
PASTOR TAIWO ODUKOYA: Eunuchs, that is, women born not to get married so I think you are referring to the issue of celibacy. I think it is a matter of choice. You will know if God does not want you to ever get married. If that is who created you to be, then that is great because you will be able to serve God better. There will be no distractions and like Paul, you will be sold out to Him. You know that when you are married, God will expect you to be responsible for your marriage at least, even whilst you are in the service of God. Your spouse and children are your first ministry and so you cannot neglect their needs to meet the needs of others. I would like to say though that very few people are called to this position so you must be very sure this is your calling. It is quite common in Catholicism, so it is not something to be afraid of or out of the ordinary.